Watching Magical Mystery Talent Shows on God-Awful Television

Talent Shows
I watched this talent show on teevee t'other night [America's Got Talent].  A big huge money-wasted affair being held at Radio City Music Hall.  The judges: Howie Mandel; some babe with tattoos I've never heard of; Heidi Klum; and Howard Stern.  My immediate question was: What the hell do these people know about talent?  As I watched the vaudevillians, and that's what they are, trotted out to do their "amazing" entertainment: I saw hand-standers, one with a couple of obedient Chihuahua dogs in his act; a troop of amateur dancers involving little kids on up to big kids; I saw a pretty boy in a wool skullcap make out like he's one of the great singers of all time but whose effort turned out to be limp shit but Howie Mandel, the girls, and Howard Stern leapt to their feet in billionaire-adoration for this half-talented pretty boy; then I saw a young White girl trying to sing Black who was so nervous she ended up singing exactly like what she was: a nervous White teenager in need of Pro-Tools.

Talent?  Is this talent the best we can come up with?  And judged by 4 show-biz under-contract jugheads who wouldn't know talent if it bit 'em on their fat-stuffed egos.  Like Heidi Klum.  What's her talent besides being an empty-headed blonde...what? is she a model? an actress? an author?  What the hell is Heidi Klum?  And Howie Mandel.  Hasn't he produced failed teevee show after teevee show (remember Bobby?).  Why is he so popular with NBC?  Could it be he's under contract to them to do whatever shark-jumping show they produce with him in mind?  Howard Stern, who back in the late 80s and early 90s was one hell of a funny guy, has now gotten so big and rich and egomaniacal  he's now simply a safe shadow of his old self.  He tries to be rude and fifth grade on this show, but it ends up making him look more like a clown than a comedian.  The tattooed woman who I never heard of, I have no idea what she claims as her ticket into the big-time show biz, but she's dopey at best in her constant swooning over these semi-talented 2nd raters.

I must say, I did see a very impressive magician on the show, though as a personality, he sucked.
On the other hand, I saw a great magic act using a compressed-air nail gun put on by Penn and Teller on a cheap channel show that features these two guys.

Arnold Porcine
for The Daddy O'Daily