Here Comes Moby

Moby Sucks 
Why can't I dig these modern musical wonders?  I tried to watch Moby tonight on PBS.  How does PBS manage to bring these modern musical wunderkins into our faces?  Out trots Moby.  I mean, he's so hip he's rank.  First of all he trots out with his band...and, yep, there's the woman violinist--and, wow, there's the woman bass player--seems like these women are in every wunderkin's band that takes the stage these days--and then this big fat Black woman comes out singing I don't know what--it sounds like a field holler--I mean I hope this woman has her blood pressure checked often--OK, so she has a good voice--and then there's Moby, a little runt of a dude who looks like Phil Collins--and Moby's movin' around, walkin' around all over the stage and so's the big fat Black chick--the woman violinist and the woman bass player are stationary--and Moby's drummer who has enough iron to build a battleship is whacking out 3rds and there's a cool cat keyboard player--come on, Moby, I'm expecting more than this monotonous field holler with your token Black chick.  You know in only one of the last blues venues left in New York City if you're a White group you've gotta have a token Black or they won't hire you.  I know, I'm sounding prejudice, but it just grinds my ass to have to have a token Black--it's the same thing the Black kid Token represents on the old South Park animated comic strip, what those guys were trying to get across, tokenism keeps us divided, dig?  Hey, if I have a Black musician friend and we jive together well, then, yes, hire us, but don't hire us because my friend is Black when if he were White regardless of his talent and how he gels with me you wouldn't hire us.  Tokenism.  You dig what I'm saying?  But old Moby has his token Black, the big fat Black chick.  The rest of Moby's organization is pure White.  And before Moby sings, the big fat Black chick does her field holler and then Moby trots out this exaggerated White chick Moby announces is from Fort Greene in Brooklyn and she comes out and she sings--the tune is almost note-for-note the same as the Black chick's field holler except it's White and we know field hollers and Whites don't really go together.  And then Moby takes over.  He starts singing, and, folks, I'm sorry, that's when I cut the teevee off and come downstairs and put Sonny Rollins on my Mac--Sonny's old Impulse album East Broadway Run Down and soon I'm swooning to Sonny's improvisational bliss--I especially flip out over Sonny's "Blessing in Disguise" with the incredible Elvin Jones kicking ass behind Sonny--and Jimmy Garrison keeping the time--with Freddie Hubbard on trumpet--in the title track, "East Broadway Run Down," Sonny plays his mouthpiece and gets more originality out of that than old Moby gets out of his whole boring show.

I apologize to these guys like Moby, but, dammit, man, I'm not into folk music and that's all Moby's shit is, folk music modernized and staged---I mean Moby's got a light show going on behind him and his band is stage designed--which is OK, but....  And with that but I lay off old Moby.  Evidently Moby's doing alright for himself since his stage production and band must cost him a fortune--but then Moby must contract out for several big grand dollars per show.  Moby reminds me of Lyle Lovett--remember old Lyle the Texan?  What ever happened to Lyle?  Has he retired to his cattle ranch back home in Texas?  Get 'em up drugstore cowboy.

Peter Pounder
(not his real name)
for The Daddy O'Daily
 Sonny Rollins, still performing at 80+